John Amaechi OBE & The Self‑Awareness Gap: When Leaders Lose Their Mirror
Nobody argues with the boss—that’s the real challenge.” John Amaechi OBE calls it the self-awareness gap: the higher you climb, the less you actually know yourself.
“Nobody argues with the boss—that’s the real challenge.”
Isolated leaders sometime get toxic. Not unempathetic or even cruel. Just… unchallenged. No one below them dares to tell them the truth anymore. I was listening to John Amaechi the other day—by the way, he’s brilliant. It resonated with a situation we, by ROBERTSON ASSOCIATES, sometime encounter as a provider of executive leadership solutions.
The “self‑awareness gap”
John Amaechi OBE is a world-renowned keynote speaker, organisational psychologist, bestselling author, and Professor of Leadership at the University of Exeter Business School. As the founder of APS Intelligence Ltd., John leads a global team that transforms leaders and cultures by combining cutting-edge behavioural science with psychological insight. His bespoke programmes aren’t about quick fixes—they drive sustainable growth, ethical leadership, and organisational well-being.
John Amaechi calls it the self-awareness gap: the higher you climb, the less you actually know yourself. Why? Because the air up there is too thin for feedback. People stop saying, “That’s not quite right”. Not because they’ve stopped seeing what’s wrong, but because they’ve got too much to lose. And then it starts. The nodding. The fake alignment. Until silence starts to feel like approval. I’ve seen it.
What it looks like in practice
- Brilliant execs turning fragile. Not at all out of arrogance, but out of loneliness. No mirror. No friction. No one any more brave enough to say, “Are you sure about that?” So they harden. They defend. They tend to confuse fear with respect. They tend to confuse flattery with objectivity.
- That’s why our coaching matters. And a lot, I may say. At least one honest voice in the room. Even more when these leaders come to us for a new job or preparing for an executive interview! If you come to us and we see it, we will kindly tell you. My promise.
Leadership isn’t about being untouchable
To me, leadership is granted to one by others (your team, your staff, your boss), not self-defined after a class on “best leadership practices”. It’s about being reachable. Because isolation doesn’t make you strong. It makes you dangerous for people, for your company but mostly for yourself, I would even advocate.
Takeaway
If you’re a senior leader feeling the weight of silence, or if you’re hiring someone for a top‑level role, ask yourself: Do I have a trusted voice that tells me when I’m off‑track? If the answer is no, consider bringing in an external coach or advisor. The right feedback can turn a lonely summit into a collaborative peak.
